Home Alone

I am recently home from a week stay in the hospital.  I needed some adjustment on my medicine and I was pretty sick. After I got on the correct medicine I felt better and wanted to go home.

I looked like a completely different person from the one who checked into the hospital on the day I left. I was laughing and even joking a bit. I was glad to go home. My doctor said he wanted me to stay a bit longer but he knew I would follow up with my regular doctor so I was allowed to leave.

This is my fifth day home. Nothing has changed really on the outside. People still are who they are. I find I am having a difficult time dealing with some things. I can feel the sadness right behind my eyes, waiting to spill over. But I can also feel myself holding it back with all my skills I have learned. 

I am still lonely sometimes. People are at work or busy and don’t have time to talk with me. This is life, toots. 

I go back to my doctor today. Maybe he will tweak the meds. If not, I need to work on my coping skills even more than I have been. I need a thicker shield. Personally, I hope he can tweak the meds. 

Either way, life goes on. 

50 Little Things

I am taking the advice of Mer and doing a list today for fun. Might be harder than I think. I am going to attempt to list 50 little things about me. I know many of these may be things already known, but let’s see if I can find some new ones.

  1. I like Yoko Ono.
  2. Today is my husband’s birthday.
  3. I am studying Spanish on the Duolingo app.
  4. I have a banjo.
  5. I own a scooter I am going to ride as soon as it’s fixed.
  6. I know how to solder.
  7. I like Eminem.
  8. I live around the block from my childhood home.
  9. I collect old phones and radios.
  10. I do not like Journey.
  11. I am an amateur radio operator, licensed for 20 years.
  12. I am a Dudeist Priestess able to perform weddings, funerals, etc. 
  13. I love Shakespeare plays.
  14. I love almost all vegetables.
  15. I like to follow Cleveland baseball.
  16. Surprisingly, I like tv shows such as: Wagon Train, The Rifleman, and Gunsmoke.
  17. I am distantly related to Dave Mustaine of Megadeth.
  18. I like Metallica
  19. There is a picture of me wearing a dashiki in my high school year book. I  love colorful clothes.
  20. I used to be on a golf league. I LOVED it. I was a terrible player, but really enjoyed playing. 
  21. I was arrested at 18 for disorderly conduct. The police had to wake me up to arrest me…..
  22. I had my first child when I was 19. He is going to be 34 this year and is a great person. 
  23. My husband says I can’t whistle, but I can.  A little. Badly. For a very short time. hahahaha
  24. I have seen Weird Al in concert almost every year since 1996.
  25. I taught Sunday school in the early 90s.
  26. I like square dancing even though I never do it anymore. Since junior high.
  27. I was a competitive swimmer for 6 years.
  28. OMG How is it not on the top of the list?? I LOVE THE BEATLES! I was in discussion about Yoko today so she was on my mind first. But the BEATLES are IT.
  29. I  LOVE Frank Zappa. He is fantastic. I hadn’t felt love for a musician like this since the Beatles. The Beatles are always first, but then FRANK.
  30. I am a HUGE Harry Potter fan. I have all the clothes to dress up, three wands, of course all the books, regular and large print for when I am older. Anything I can get my hands on Harry Potter makes me happy.
  31. I have three brothers, one a year and a half older than I, one a year and a half younger and one seven years younger.
  32. I stopped smoking 2 years ago this May on my birthday. 
  33. I didn’t care for the movie The Revenant.
  34. I am very afraid of spiders. They can just go to hell. Or away from me. Either one is okay.
  35. I like to fish.
  36. I love to read. Duh
  37. I can change a tire.
  38. I am almost 53 years old and I do not dye my hair. I have a little gray hair but I earned it. I am not going to dye it. It’s short anyway. 
  39. I have been to Alaska.
  40. I do not carry a purse. I haven’t since 1994.
  41. We have a clock in every room, including the bathroom. Do you guys, too?
  42. We use 24 hour time on our digital clocks. 
  43. I do not like bananas.
  44. I love donuts, but don’t eat them because I can’t stop. 
  45. I like to crochet, knit, and cross stitch.
  46. I do not smoke crack.
  47. I watch MeTv with my husband almost every night after he gets home from work.
  48. I like sparkly stuff.
  49. I have the ashes of my last two kitties on my coffee table.
  50. I think this was a fun post for me. Thanks Mer!

CRIMSONOWL63

C is the first letter in all the names of my siblings, parents and me: Chuck, Chris, Curt, Charles, Colleen and Cheryl

Reading is one of my favorite ways to spend time.

It’s fun to try new things.

My new kitten, Harrison, sure makes me happy.

Seen some crazy things in my time.

Oh man, the cold weather is here to stay for awhile. 

Not a fan of Journey

Oy, I don’t like them.

Why did I mention them?

Let’s change the subject.

6 years ago many people said two thousand nine. Now many people say twenty fifteen. Two thousand fifteen sounds awkward to me.

times married is the charm. This time I have the right guy!

 

It’s a Wonderful Life

I’ve been watching It’s a Wonderful Life almost every day. It’s my favorite movie. I have seen it hundreds of times. During the holiday season I like to watch it every day if possible.

It’s been difficult getting through this time of year. Last year at this time I was just discharged from the hospital. This year is better.

I went shopping yesterday and got everything done! I will be wrapping gifts over the weekend and have them ready to ship out to my children who all live out of state and can’t make it in this year for a visit.

One of the reasons I mention It’s a Wonderful Life is that the movie makes me appreciate my children and my friends. If you haven’t seen this movie, George Bailey is in crisis. He thinks he is worth more dead than alive. An angel comes in answer to prayers by his friends and family. He has a chance to see what life would have been like if he had never been born. How small things in life have influenced more people than he realized. It all ends happily ever after.

Shopping for the few people I had to buy for, I realized that I am lucky to have children and family to buy for at all. That if I had not lived to see my current age (which I never thought I’d reach), my children would be different. I wouldn’t have met my husband and have had the last 16 years together.

I almost gave up yesterday and not finish my shopping. But I made it through. I am proud of that. It wasn’t easy. I am trying to make the holiday as stress free as possible. I have met the challenge so far and hope to continue.

I think I’ll go watch It’s a Wonderful Life again.

Here comes the sun

I often wonder how I am going to know I am well again. I am sure it doesn’t feel like this. Today I was listening to the Beatles’ Abbey Road album and a song clicked with me again. I suddenly remembered for a second what I used to feel like when I was well.

“Here Comes The Sun” made me think….when I get well this song will be true for how I feel and not just how I want to feel.

Here Comes the Sun
by George Harrison (1943-2001), performed by the Bealtes

Here comes the sun
do n do do
here comes the sun
and I say, It’s alright

little darling
it’s been a long cold lonely winter
little darling
it feels like years since it’s been here

Here comes the sun
do n do do
here comes the sun
and I say, it’s alright

little darling
the smiles returning to the faces
little darling
it seems like years since it’s been here

Here comes the sun
Here comes the sun
and I say, It’s alright

sun sun sun here it comes
sun sun sun here it comes
sun sun sun here it comes
sun sun sun here it comes
sun sun sun here it comes

Little darling
I feel like ice is slowly melting
little darling
it seems like years since it’s been clear

Here comes the sun
Here comes the sun
and I say, it’s alright

here comes the sun
here comes the sun

It’s alright
it’s alright

I want go feel “smiles returning to the faces” and that ” the ice is slowly melting”. I remember feeling like that, what seems like a long time ago. Listening to the song gave me hope since I at least remember feeling like this. When I feel it again I will know….I am getting better.

A Few Days Off

I needed a few days off after Thanksgiving. A few days off from doing everyone’s bidding, making all the decisions and doing all the planning.

Thanksgiving was supposed to be stress free. Dinner would be at my father’s house. My sister-in-law tells me weeks before the holiday that she will handle everything if I would just pick up her, my brother and their daughter.I hope every year that this will be true, but past years have shown me this is not how it will go.

She tells me she will call my father and make all the arrangements. She calls and makes sure it is okay for us to all come over. There will only be six of us including my father. He is thrilled we will all be coming over.

As Thanksgiving approaches I am asked to bring dessert and paper plates. That’s all, she promises, she will do the rest. The day before she calls and says she forgot about drinks, could I get those, too? Oh, wait, silverware and glasses? And chairs? And could she borrow a few bucks to buy the charcoal so they can smoke the turkey?

I run over the money. Two days to go. The night before Thanksgiving she calls and tells me she forgot to buy lighter fluid and didn’t know if she could find any at the store across the street (they don’t have a car); could I come over and pick up the turkey to cook it? I told her I was going to punch her in the face. She thought I was kidding. I didn’t want to have a turkeyless thanksgiving so I agreed to get the turkey if she couldn’t find fluid. I was out with my Beatles buddy seeing a band so I would have to go after to get the turkey. Thankfully, she was able to get fluid.

The next morning, Thanksgiving Day, she calls to see if I can drop something off she needs for the turkey, I run up to the store and over to her house. I go back home and have to go back to pick them up in two hours. Two hours later I pick them up and drop them off at my fathers. I go home and pick up my husband and all the things I am bringing; wine, pies, chairs, cranberry sauce, plates, silverware, pop and beer.

Every question is left up to me. When should we eat? Can we all fit at the table? Is my father’s oven working? And each time a question involves my father it is up to me to get the answer.

Another thankful moment was when my husband offered to go pick my brother up from work. I was supposed to go get him, but by this point was getting very frazzled. I still had to drive them all home. Everyone is drinking and having a good time while I am stressed to the limit.

My brother and sister-in-law leave my dad a bit of food and take all the rest of the leftovers.
On the drive home my sister-in-law tells me this was such a relaxing day. I almost scream. All I want is to go home and forget the whole day happened and be thankful it is over. When we get to their house they are shocked I don’t want to stay. I finally get to go home.

The next few days my husband was so thoughtful. He made dinner, cleaned up the kitchen and let me just sit. He made all the decisions and just let me relax. I napped. I watched Star Trek DS9 with him. No pressure. I just got to relax.

So, I took a few days off for me. No phone calls, no texts, only chatting briefly with my Beatles buddy. It was a nice few days and I am thankful for them.