Maybe not today

I was supposed to go to a friend’s house today. I slept in so long that by the time I called to see about going over, my friend was napping. I am secretly happy. I might not have to go now. I don’t want to leave my house. I want to stay home. A chronic issue these days.

I love my friend, but it is sometimes difficult visiting. She tries to understand what I am going through. She has some of the same issues, but doesn’t have a psychiatrist or counselor. She thinks she is coping fine, so why am I still struggling? She thinks I have it easy with all my doctors.

My friend can’t come to my house because she is very sight impaired and can’t drive. I need to go there if I want to see her. This isn’t always easy for me to do. I am so much a home body these days.

We have been friends for 45 years. I don’t remember NOT knowing her. We grew up together, our kids grew up together. We are more like sisters. I don’t have any sisters so she is the closest thing I know to having one. She is a nice person, but protects herself by being a hard ass. She can be very intimidating. I shouldn’t be afraid of her, but at times I am.

I feel bad for wanting to get out of our visit. I do love her, I just don’t want to go today. I should be able to tell her I am not up to it, but she rarely accepts this. Besides, I made plans, I should follow through.

If she calls back and still wants me to come over I will probably go. But for now….I can stay home in my safe house.

5 thoughts on “Maybe not today

  1. It’s amazing how you guys have been freinds for so long, which it’s rare these days but she should be able to be herself and be vulnarable when you are around afterall you guys been friends for how long 45 years!! Good Luck šŸ™‚

  2. For me, the thoughts of going someplace is actually worse than doing it, if that makes any sense. Sometimes, I dread going to certain places or a party or whatever, but I force myself to go and usually have fun. Then, there are days you just do not want to go anyplace, and that’s okay too.

    • Most of the time I do have fun when I do get out, but I still am nervous the entire time. I’m just not that comfortable with myself and that makes it difficult. I do push myself to go if I make set plans and I do have a friend I can go out with without any stress at all. I am lucky to have such a friend. We both push each ourselves to make plans and keep them. It just works easier with this friend than any other. There are days when I just need to be at home.

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