Two realities

I watch a lot of science fiction shows: Doctor Who, Star Trek, Farscape, Eureka, Warehouse 13, etc. Each of these shows have characters who travel to different realities. Sometimes I feel like that about my life. That I have two realities: my good reality and my ill reality.

In my good reality I wake up and know what my purpose is. I shower, I get ready for work. I get the coffee ready, talk to my husband and go out the door. In my ill reality, I force myself to get up. I get my husband’s coffee ready for the day. I sit bleary eyed, drinking my first cup of coffee. I have no idea what I will do today. I say goodbye to my husband and play a few games of Words with Friends, waiting to chat with my friend.

In my good reality I get to work and set up my desk, ready to work. I chat with a few friends while I do minor follow up. I know what I am doing. I am good at my job and I enjoy it. In my ill reality, I chat with my friend. We check on how we are each doing and talk about napping. We are both so tired. We try to plan out our days. Keep our spirits up, tell a few LOLs. One of us (or both) decides it is a good time to nap.

In my good reality I go about my day. I know I will be going home soon to be with my husband. I might stop to visit a friend or meet a few friends after work. In my ill reality I wait for my husband to call at 10. I am glad to hear from him although I sometimes don’t sound like it. It is nice to know he still wants to check on me during his work day. I tell myself I will get the dishes done and make dinner tonight. I will be productive.

I miss the good reality. I work to get back there. Feel better, have fun again without worry. I am lucky to have a friend to help me through the process. Someone who truly understands the effort it takes for baby steps, but who always has an encouraging word. My husband does his best to do what he can. He goes to work every day. He spends time with me and tries to understand. He supports me the best he knows how.

I know life isn’t a science fiction show……I won’t be able to get back to where I belong in 50 minutes. I will just continue to take baby steps toward the good reality until I get there.

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