I miss my mom. It has been a little over 15 years since she died and I miss her every day. She was ordinary, yet extraordinary.
My mom survived 38 years of marriage to my father, a mental abuser. She didn’t, however, survive cancer. She had a rare form of breast cancer and she died 10 months after she was diagnosed. I am lucky that I was close to my mother and we pretty much covered everything between us before she died. I don’t have to have any guilt that there was much left unsaid.
My mom taught me a lot in her life. She often suffered at the abuse from my father, but somehow conveyed that I should never put up with the same treatment. I was not wholly successful here. Yet, when I saw the signs in my ex-husband I was able to eventually leave. He was becoming like my father to my mother in the way he spoke to me and put me down. As much as I didn’t want to get divorced (again), I saw myself in a too similar situation with my parents and knew I had to get out.
I remember calling my mother to tell her I was going to leave, get divorced. I cried. I told her I knew she put up with all I did and much more, but I just couldn’t live her life. I wasn’t strong enough and I couldn’t let my children watch me be put through it like I watched my mom. She cried, too and said that if her situation helped me leave a bad one then she would do it all again. I think I wish she would have left my father
Now that I am happily married and the kids grown, I wish my mom were here to be with us. She would be so proud of her grandchildren and me. While I have my problems, I have found a partner to help me get through life. I have great kids. I still take care of my father, since he needs me, and my mother would not have wanted me to neglect him. I am taking care of myself the best I can. I finished college. The grandkids are all happy.
My mom and my husband only knew each other a very short time, but I am glad they met. They liked each other right off and I find they have many more things in common. My children are old enough to remember her. Glad I had those kids young. It worked out after all in more ways than I could have imagined.
There are times when something really good happens when I actually dial her number. I remember before my father can pick up. She can’t answer the phone anymore. I know somehow she knows. I know she still lives in my heart and all the memories of her keep her alive.
I miss my mom.